Continually forgetting to type stuff up here. Sorry.

27 March -- Tell me what you want to do to me. I have on this thin white gown with the spaghetti straps and a tiny white g-string. And the purple collar -- I can't forget I have it on; it makes me hold my head up. The cool air on my bare skin reminds me of standing under your gaze, wondering what you'll bring out. I want your mouth on my neck, my shoulders, my nipples. Your hand stroking my clit through the thin layers of fabric. How do you want me open to you? On my back with legs spread open, or facing down with my butt in the air for you to slap?

8 Jun -- Ed and I went by Todd Adult Video for the first time in quite a while this evening. They have a lot more lingerie/dancewear/shoes than they used to, but I quite like that. If I had any money I would definitely want to buy some nice glittery stretchy stripper lingerie; more heels too. The clothes are more expensive than other lingerie, which is already overpriced, but I guess that makes sense since stripper costumes have to hold up a lot more than bedroom lingerie. Anyway, I spent more time looking at shoes than the movies on the shelves underneath -- and I am the least shoe-interested woman in the Western world. But the heels and the spandex, just the idea of wearing them made me feel sexy.

9 Jun -- Buffy before bedtime leads to some really hot dreams. I was in a band with Oz and Devon, and Willow was in the band also, and we were playing parties and all screwing each other between sets, some as a result of party dare games and some just because of attraction.

22 July -- God damn it, it's like a disconnection in libido -- brain and cunt aren't connected. Even when I'm fucking wet, my brain thinks it's too much trouble. Haven't even finished the Best American Erotica 2006 anthology acquired at least 3 months ago. Can't be bothered to keep up with the smut groups on LiveJournal. Can't remember how long it's been since sex with Ed. I don't know if it's the antidepressants or my feeling so goddamned fat and flabby, which really came to my notice last week when trying on bras to replace my ratty, stretched out ones. I wear a 38C now. The B to C cup itself is weird, but when the rib cage right below the tits is the issue, the last place on the body to store fat, you really start noticing. Ed doesn't seem to care and Simon certainly keeps calling me, but I know. It keeps me from being able to turn myself on by dressing up in lingerie and stuff.

The libido is still buried in there. It comes out in dreams. This one a couple of weeks ago where it was Leah who was tying Russ to the chair and letting me have my way with him. The one last night where I was in the X-Files universe but aware I was from this one, and kidnapped by someone (probably they wanted to get into my home universe) and Fox Mulder was kidnapped too and put into the cell with me, and I was telling him about the difference in worlds, and trying to seduce him by telling him that if the captors saw me having sex with such a relative stranger as him, they wouldn't think of rape as a useful technique to get information out of me. (Clearly, my brain has read the rape scene in Heinlein's Friday too often.)

But why won't my waking brain think about sex?

17 August -- Hot sex with Simon, in normal artificial light, for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long. (I think his skin condition has cleared up a lot -- just comparing by touch with the past few times.) I hope we didn't keep Ed awake. It was kinda weird that I hadn't been thinking about sex or anything (though it was approaching the horny part of my cycle) but when Simon first had sent a little e-mail stating that he was at work even though they were closed to customers, but was bored and imagining what one could do in an empty building with a digital camera. Then he phoned when he was about to leave work, and I just said that sure, I was up for seeing him (and unstated, what that generally leads to). I'm surprised I wasn't tired after a day of work and all (actually, he said he was surprised as well). But hey, when libidos are actually in sync, might as well take advantage. And, if the last time Simon came over while Ed was here is any indication, Ed will probably realize it's a good time to make a move tomorrow or this weekend. Which is nice -- I'm just so bad at making moves myself.

20 August -- And Simon got up while he was undressing from where he had been sitting on the end of my bed to close the mirrored closet door. He said the view was a turn-on -- he'd been able to see my mostly-bare rear, and then while I was kneeling going down on him, my panties were pulled down to thigh-level, just rolled up low enough to expose me, so I expect that view was just as good. But I think pretty soon he was leaning back and closing his eyes. (grin) I did rather like the view of myself, back and butt, that I got when I glanced around after he closed the closet. It's my thighs and stomach I'm paranoid about, mostly.

Gus remarked when he was over today that he was almost disappointed if he used our bathroom and didn't see sex toys next to the sink (they were certainly there today). I thought I might get around to fulfilling his request to have candlewax dripped on him today, but we got too caught up in watching Angel. (Wesley looks pretty hot in leather, but I've still gotta prefer Spike.)

15 Sep -- Discovered Rockfic.com and now thinking about all kinds of sex stories starring rock musicians -- the one I wrote about Guns 'n Roses where Axl was wearing those black leather gloves -- I still visualize the picture that inspired that -- and the Beatles slash I've already collected off LiveJournal. In retrospect, it kinda surprises me that slash fantasies never occurred to me in my most dedicated music fan days when there were so many, many musicians I was drooling over. But hey, now I have stuff I'm not jaded about to ponder. Annoying for a scenario to lose its power after too much use.

16 Sep -- This morning's waking-up fantasy was about Slash (the man, not the genre). I was fucking him in the ass with a strap-on - it was something he'd never done (moderately hard to find with someone who's had 20 years of available groupies). It was really hot to press my tits against his back, reaching around first to put a finger in his mouth and then down to circle a nipple with that slick finger, grinding my own hips into the base of the dildo.